This is an accomplishment for some people. lol
Does life ever get easier? I feel like you can finally start to get over something and become comfortable with it, then boom you find out the littlest thing and it just shoots you back to square one. I cant really explain it in full detail but it involves my family and me and having to just keep this giant on going secret that I just want to put out there already well finding out some news today, made it so that I can’t do that anymore with out ruining my mothers life. I have no idea whats going to happen with it all and I have no idea how I’m even going to handle it but I do know one thing I will always be the shoulder to lean on for this person and I will always care about them even before I knew. Concidering I would be a big ol’ hypocrit if I didn’t
Well I have always wanted a tattoo, but never had the money or balls to actually go ahead and go out and get one. I was thinking about it the other day and I really fell in love with the saying no regrets but then I was thinking that it’s corny, I don’t know if I want song lyrics or like a tribal something. I have the slightest clue I want to get something meaningful but not stupid. Blah someone help me? I have also been thinking about getting my industrial bar done only cause I have wanted that done for a while to, but once again no money or balls to do it.
I feel like for Christmas I will have enough money to get something decent, also I may be getting my old job back so if that happens then I will have a little extra cash to spend here and there so I’m hoping that it works out. God I just have so much to say tumblr going down like just made me want to write haha , anyway I’m totally beyond confused on what I want or what I’m going to get but I’m getting tired for once early wahoo, sleeepy time goodnight
That’s it hitting up my doctor to get sleeping pills haha, so I probably just wasted my time and made you just hate me a tad bit more tonight but shit hey maybe you will change your mind and answer eventually I don’t even know if you can read this or if your even seeing this but I sure hope you are maybe you will actually answer for a change goin for a drive at 4am byebyeee
So I have come to a conclusion that my biggest dream in life is to be reincarnated as Nicki Minaj, I mean this bitch can say whatever do whatever and not give two flying shits about what people say about her. She doesn’t crack to the pressure of the media and tabloids spreading rumors, shiit she may have a fake ass but she is damn proud of that. Where this urge to become Nicki Minaj has come from.. I have no idea but I like it! I mean I know it is humanly impossible to become somebody else…I mean unless I spend thousands of thousands of dollars on surgery and get giant ass implants, but that is not happening haha but in other words..i love nicki minajj
So it is nearly 4am and I can not sleep for the life of me. This has been an on going cycle for almost a year now and I’m just tired of not being able to fall asleep at normal hours of the night, there for I will rant about how my sleep schedule varies. I honestly can not pin point exactly what causes this horrible insomnia, but I do know that it sucks more then being stuck in a rainstorm with out an umbrella. It started last early Decemeber late novemeberish? I want to say I had just dropped out of school and was enjoying life and started staying out late and not coming home until right about now probably. Thinking it was just a phase I ignored it not knowing the downward spiral I was heading into. Well it started to get so bad I used to stay up for days with out sleep and it affected me big time in ways I didn’t know possible it made me more prone to being sick and made me a wee bit on the cranky side.
Well little did I know that fighting with your family and parents on a daily basis was a side affect of not sleeping. In time it got better and I was going hole around two and falling asleep by two thirty three and then it got Even better when I started working at Spirit Halloween. Now it’s back to where I fall asleep to the smell of my dads coffee being made for the morning. I just don’t understand it’s not fair I hate sleeping all day and being up all night by myself. I can’t tell if it is stress induced or maybe I’m just going insane who the fuck knows but all I do know is I want to start sleeping at normal hours of the night and I want to wake up and become a normal productive member of society. Yeah fat chance of that happening -_- !! well my life is just a giant bowl of joy if you couldn’t tell by now , so god has decided to just add one more thing to the shit on Billy list. Just throwing it out there okay so I’m writing all this on my iPod and the teach screen is getting annoying so I’m throwing this across the room and going to well going to try to go to sleep
“Having so much to say and watching you walk away”
I have never once wanted to just talk, see, hear someone as much as I want to this persons I haven’t done anything wrong and for someone to treat me like this and make me feel this way is just not acceptable. The funny thing is though usually I just let shit like this go , for some reason my mind and heart just keeps telling me to try. Yeah well fuck you heart I’m done listening to you I’m not going to let this bother me anymore. I have never once believed in karma well I think I’m going to now cause granted I may have not of been the greatest person in the world to some people, but I have never once treated someone as bad as this.
This picture represents how my heart feels at the moment..it may be cracked broken and barely beating but I know in a matter of time I will have the bandages and the willpower to put you behind me, yes that may be hard but it will be done. I’m tired of liars and douche bags is there anyone out there for me? I’m really starting to lose faith in just about everything bringing me back to my point of “broken hearts and such” the only way I will ever avoid this again is if I just stay single for the rest of my life. You just can not rely on anyone anymore, what has our world come to? finding a good solid relationship is just not possible anymore I do believe that there is someone for everyone but is there someone for me cause I’m convinced that there isn’t and that scares me to death. I may have just said staying single for the rest of my life would be a good option but i do not believe that i would be able to do that, I will not be the “third wheel” all the time or the crazy guy who lives alone with his dog no not happening i just want to be freaking happy. I just will have to change my out look on alot of stuff to become happy they say to stop searching and let love come to you and I will do just that if any one is interested in me they will approach me first and you know what letting people in probably not the best idea considering I’m just way to paranoid in the words of some people =) I’m evil yes i know no need to tell me twice. I’m not the only one who feels like this though one of my very close close friends Joelle has this same problem were constantly just getting screwed over we deserve better we deserve to be treated like fucking prince and princess’s that we are so people better start stepping it up cause we’re done dealing with children and immature douches. I think that ends my rant about how much love and relationship sucks goodnight world oh and by the wayy joelle i fuckingg love youu